*And Why It Is Silly To Criticize Others For Saying It.
If you are an American resident and not in a cave or under a rock, the phrase “Thoughts And Prayers” should be familiar to you. It is a common exclamation made by elected officials and other public figures when a tragedy takes place at some location removed from them. It is uttered most notably when a mass shooting has taken place. For the average person will likely see the comment first posted by someone critical of that very response. I’ll walk through this to better explain the path of my thinking.
Somewhere in America, perhaps at a school or a workplace, an armed individual opens fire on unarmed persons. These people may be known to the assailant directly or tangentially, or perhaps randomly chosen because they are present. The usual news cycle follows with announcements of the attack having just happened or maybe even still unfolding. In the immediate aftermath, some elected official tweets their concern for those at the center of the assault with the titular phrase. Soon after, and often before the rest of the country is aware of the attacks, and almost always before most are aware of the tweet, response tweets leap to Twitter, and then to the news cycle, attacking the tweeter for his/her empty gesture. This scenario has played out often enough that I must believe that my readers are familiar with it. So here we go:
They are right, Thoughts And Prayers is an empty gesture. Exactly like any comment about any tragedy made my anyone unrelated to the incident trying to express care and concern. It does one thing only, and that is to draw attention to the english speaking world that the tweeter is a caring person. Yes, that is the point. The tweeter is trying to make the story about them and how caring and concerned they are. The correct response? Well, nothing. That is, unless the tragedy occurred in your district, or because of your position in leadership it is expected that you should acknowledge you are aware of the incident. Then, the response should omit any reference to prayers, or hope, or wishes, or any sort of non-factual based affirmations. You are concerned. Of course you are. Everyone who hears of this is concerned. Everyone hopes for the best. It doesn’t need to be said. Instead try: “I have just been informed of an apparent fill in the blank at XZY location, and I am contacting local officials to see what I can do or what resources I can provide.” That’s it. You are aware and you are finding out what actions you can take. You’ve informed your constituents that you are doing your job. Everyone knows you care. Or should know, and an attack on you for not offering caring thoughts should be dismissed as trolling.
But I said that it is also silly to criticize someone for saying Thoughts And Prayers, didn’t I? Yes, I did, and yes, it is. At a moment of tragedy, it might be wrong to trumpet what caring person you are, but it is also wrong – for the exact same reason – to trumpet about how someone’s gesture is empty. If their Thoughts And Prayers are only to draw attention to themselves, then the critical response is only to draw attention as well. “Your thoughts and prayers are an empty gesture. Look at me calling you out!” It is a naked attempt to claim moral superiority. It is trying to make the tragedy about how you feel about someone else.
But most often when people come to criticize others for saying Thoughts And Prayers, the criticism is used as a platform to suggest that they should have done something else, and that had they done that something else this tragedy would not have happened. That too is an empty gesture. It is usually formed along the line of, “You took money from the NRA, and that makes you responsible for this killing!” That is, don’t give us your thoughts and prayers, commit to the impossible task of disarming the American people. It could be logically rephrased, “You get support from beer companies, and that makes you responsible for the drunk driver who killed someone!”
Whether a politician supports gun rights or not; whether he or she receives campaign support from the NRA or not; they are not responsible for the actions of another person. The absurd notion of tying someone’s defense of gun ownership and the the Constitutional Amendment that protects it to someone committing murder with a gun should be rejected by any reasonable mind. And the person making that claim should be treated as an empty-headed rabble rouser. To allow a person to the table who makes such imbecilic statements, is the equivalent to putting a flat Earth proponent on a panel discussing missions to Mars. They have demonstrated unreasonable and unsound thinking, and should be dismissed.
Even if the person who states Thoughts And Prayers were an NRA member, or even an executive of the NRA, it would be the same. The NRA does not endorse using a firearm to shoot innocent people anymore than AAA endorses driving a car into a crowd of people on the sidewalk.
You can both support the right of an adult to drink alcohol and be against drinking and driving. You can be pro freedom of speech and against hate speech. You can favor armed citizenry and oppose murder.
Does this mean that we can say nothing? No. We can follow the news of these events. We can discuss them and advance our opinions of the causes and methods of reducing them, when and where appropriate. There should be local, regional, and national dialog taking place with the goal of finding workable solutions to the causes of these tragedies. But when it comes to Thoughts And Prayers, we should curb our tongues.
The correct thing to offer is help if you are in such a position to facilitate it. The correct response is no response. One might think they are calling someone out for their hypocrisy, but in truth, they are only calling attention to themselves.
Let’s stop pretending that our response to a tragedy is more important to the tragedy itself. Stop saying thoughts and prayers, and stop confronting people for doing so.